Creative writing.  I believe I was introduced to creative writing in college, some fifty-five years ago.  Just now—as I started writing this piece—I looked up the definition for the first time.  By “looked up,” I mean I Googled it. I found it reassuring to discover it means what I always thought it meant, writing.  In the definitions, it is distinguished as a particular kind writing, namely writing from the mind or emotions or feelings.  Although this seems to incorporate what I think of creativity, I find the definition misleading in that it suggests there are kinds of writing that are not somehow affected by mental or emotional state or feelings.  For example, the kind of purely objective writing (and, of course the purely objective analysis associated with it) that goes into Fox news or CNN.  The kind of writing that went into President Obama’s press conferences and now goes into President Trump’s.

Many of us, after giving it some thought, might concede there are elements of creative writing in news reporting and press conferences. That said, many of us still hope there is such a thing as objective truth and people write about it—they even tell it.  And—not only that—they do a good job of writing about it and consequently other people are led to an understanding of the truth by reading such reports.  This explains why we are so encouraged by the reporting of Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rachel Maddow and Bill Maher. It explains why the world is such a better place in the light of the truth revealed on talk radio and TV.

We long for the truth so much, and we are so jealous of it when we find it, we may be rather vigorous in our defense of it when belief is threatened by creative writing masquerading as another so called truth.  As a man of peace, I find the potential for conflict in the clash of truth and masquerade disquieting to say the least.  To be honest, I find it frightening. I know that, in earlier times, these clashes were marked by the most offensive insults.  Those on opposing sides in defense of their truth labeled each other as stupid, filthy, fat, ugly, dumb, ignorant, failures, and losers.  To be sure this was in an era when civilization was much more of a concept than a reality.  It was when I was in the fifth grade disputing a call over a ball outside the line in a game of foursquare.  But what really convinced me of the alarming way pride of possession of the truth could lead to the most shocking indulgence of unbridled insults was learning of the dispute between Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein over the nature of gravity.

The insults were traded by proxies since the two men never met, but that did not make the exchange any less rancorous.  As you may know, Newton proved gravity was a force of attraction between two masses.  He proved this by accident one afternoon when, seated near an apple tree, an apple—attracted to the earth by the force of gravity—fell on his head.  It wasn’t a logical proof, but it was reported widely in both the liberal and conservative press. Though the experiment was an accident, it was appealing and entertaining and–as the serpent told Eve—good to eat. And this established the truth of the theory. No one dared to dispute it until Einstein—with his flimsy and dull “thought experiments”—made the ridiculous claim gravity is more accurately theorized as a force resulting from the acceleration of a lesser mass towards a greater mass over the curvature of space; curvature proportional to the masses. Curved space? Really? One might just as well suggest climate change is man-made.

But the dispute soon became acrimonious and personal. Newton had long hair so Einstein’s adherents branded him a “Hippie” and wondered what he might have been smoking when hit by the apple. But the Newtonians were just as quick to label Einstein as the real Hippie. Einstein spent a lot of time in Switzerland. The Newtonians were convinced he suffered from high-altitude oxygen deprivation and his thought experiments were hallucinations. Furthermore, Sigmund Freud, a self-proclaimed drug user, was Swiss or Austrian or German or Czechoslovakian—like Einstein—and they both, like a lot of simple-minded beauty contestants, wanted world peace.  They even wrote each other about it.  So it seemed likely Einstein was himself a peace-loving, drug-warped Hippie even though he invented the atom bomb. Curved space? It does make sense if you’re on drugs. Einstein’s defenders fired back Newton had—despite his Hippie inclinations—taken Holy Orders in the Church of England and believed the world couldn’t be more than six thousand years old. Was this the weed or the concussion talking?

But the real issue for the Newtonians was the fact the improvements Einstein claimed he made were irrelevant.  The most useful thing Einstein could explain was—get this—the “precession of the perihelion of Mercury.” If ever there was a term born of the drug culture, this was it. Precession? Perihelion? Give me a break. Why didn’t they just say Mercury’s orbit wobbled? But more to the point, who cares?  It’s like asking if anyone cares the CIA has access to my internet searches or Monsanto—with their seed patents—controls the crops on almost half our arable land or the president’s advisors can be subpoenaed.  Who cares?  What difference does it make?  The government will take care of us like it always has and we do not need to bother with the details. We put a man on the moon with Newton’s theory. What more do you want, black holes?

As a matter of fact, I do want black holes, I care about black holes. My daughter wrote a song about black holes. I’m glad Einstein predicted them and gave us the information we needed to find them.  I’m glad we are finding truths about our universe and ourselves.  More to the point, I care even more—a lot more—about my privacy, about mature debate and about the transparency of government in our democracy.

I started this dictionary–or perhaps it is more accurately a lexicon–several years ago to capture a part of my family history, namely, the language I heard used by my Alabama relatives.  My parents and grandparents and most of my aunts, uncles and cousins were born and raised in Alabama.  Most of them were working class people and they learned and used what I think is a fun and poetic language.  Here is my in-progress list of some of this fun language.

SOUTHERN USAGE

Compiled by Roy Randolph

24 May 2002

Revised: 5 March 2019

a  Usage.  The article “a” preceded by a verb in the perfect tense, as in “Where are you a goin’” “What are you a doin’” “Went a missin’.”

allow  Think or feel as in the question “What did she allow?”  This could be asked, “How did she feel about it?” or “What were her thoughts on the matter?”

allow as how  Speculate, conjecture, suppose as in “He allowed as how that new fence would keep the fox out of the hen house.”

another bull got in the pen  An indirect and somewhat vulgar suggestion that the relationship between father and child is questionable.  This concept no doubt finds expression in numerous vulgar and insulting ways that could merit a separate lexicon.

bad to  Given to or addicted to as in “He was bad to drink,” or, “He was bad to gamble.”

badly stayed with  Poorly treated or maintained, mistreated, abused; could be a euphuism for ruined or destroyed as in “The pail them boys carry their bait in has been badly stayed with.”  See also “sorry state.”

bear down  Strain, extraordinary exertion.

beats all  Extraordinary, very remarkable, unmatched, very unusual as in “If that don’t beat all” “Don’t that beat all?” “That beats all I ever seen.”

bit off more than he or she can chew  Overextended or over reached.  Implies poor planning.  Could be used interchangeably with “too many irons in the fire.”

bless his/her/its heart  Expression of compassion, endearment, tenderness.

bore down  Took aim.  (Also the past tense of “bear down.”)

bottom upwards or bottom upards  Upside down.

buggy  Shopping cart.

bunch  A mildly derogatory denomination of a group of people or a family as in “That bunch at the Simpson place was carryin’ on somethin’ awful.”

bursted  Past tense of the verb break as in “When that glass hit the stove it bursted into a thousand pieces.”

by the way  (1) An affirmation similar to “as a matter of fact” as in: She said she was a goin’ to skin that possum, and by the way, she did.”  (2) Incidentally or additionally as in: “By the way, have you found your pocket knife?”

by way of Robin Hood’s barn  Indirect, the long way round.

carried away  Excited, as in “She really got carried away when she saw the new pony.”

carry  Convey or escort, as in “I had Earl carry me to church.”

carry on  Celebrate, revel, engage in as in “That bunch at the Zion Church was really carryin’ on last night.

carryings on  Activities, celebrations, revelries.

cipher  Calculate; often used in situations where the calculating involves arithmetic.

clumb  Past tense of climb. [rnr]

come in from  Returned, arrived as in “Ma just come in from milkin’.”

comin’ or goin’ (a comin’ or a goin’)  Undecided, confused, bewildered, shocked as in, “When that girl kissed him he didn’t know if he was comin’ or goin’.”  See also “which end was up.”

commotion  Disturbance, imbroglio.

could’a  Contraction of could have.

cryshtal  Pronunciation, i.e., mispronunciation of the word crystal.

cut loose  Enthusiastic activity.

cut on or off  A phrase used as a request or command to start or stop, alight or extinguish, as in “Cut off that motor,” or “Cut on the light.”  See also “put on, off or out.”

dido or cut didos  Mischief usually associated with calling attention to one’s self, perform.  See also “show out”

do  Possibly an abbreviation for “Do the job,” i.e., perform the function.  Suffice, satisfactory, enough, complete, fit.  May be used in a positive, negative or speculative sense as in “will do,” “that’ll do,” “that’ll do it,” “ought to do,” “might do,” “won’t do.”

do with  Use, appreciate, benefit from, make use of as in “That child could do with a new pair of shoes.”

do without  Insufficient, scarce, wanting.  Suggestive of suffering or sacrifice as in “We done without lampe oil [lamp oil, i.e., kerosene] fer two months.”

do tell  Expression of mild surprise. Interchangeable with the rhetorical question, “Is that so?”

dog goned  A mild oath (“minced oath”), often an expression of sympathy or empathy; e.g., “I’ll be dog goned.”  Similar to “Dad gum it.”

doing or “a doing” or “a doin’”  Usage.  The verb doing used in place of do.  This usually occurs in an interrogative and it involves asking a question in terms of “what” that could be asked in terms of “why.”  For example, the question “What are you a doin’ with two forks?” could just as easily be asked as “Why do you have two forks?”

doings  Activities.

done  Verb tense.  Use of past participle for the past tense of the verb as in “You done good,” i.e., “You did well.” Or “Which one of them boys done that?” i.e., “Which one of those boys did that?”

done with  Over with, no longer associated with, as in “I’m done with alcohol” (I’ve given up drinking alcoholic beverages) or “I’m done with that bunch at the Zion Church” (I’ve severed my relationship with the congregation at the Zion Church.)

don’t make me no mind or don’t make me no nevermind.  Irrelevant, inconsequential of no importance or interest.  Essentially the same as “I couldn’t care less.”

down in the mouth  Discouraged, depressed, unhappy, sad.

ever vs. every  Pronunciation.  Every, meaning all or each is pronounced ever, as in “Ever one of them pies was delicious.”

fair, fair to middlin’  In terms of health, a neutral feeling, not bad but not good either.  The term “middling” is defined as “of middle size, quality, grade etc.,” with the colloquial definition of fairly; moderately; somewhat, so the phrase “fair to middlin’” is redundant and only emphasizes the modesty of feeling.

fetch  Get, retrieve.

fit for  Suitable, appropriate for, matched with, useful for as in “That new bed is fit for a king.” or “That old plow ain’t fit for nothin’.”

fit to be tied  Upset, angry.  The suggestion here seems to be that a person or possibly an animal is so upset and violent that they are in danger of hurting themselves or those around them and the only way to control them is to bind them.

fit to kill  Well dressed, well groomed, as in “He was dressed up fit to kill.”  I suppose this is a somewhat sarcastic way of complementing a person’s dress and appearance.  The implication is that if the individual were killed no additional effort required to prepare them for a respectable viewing and burial.

fixing  Preparing or planning as in “I’m fixin’ to go to town.”

for crying out loud  Statement of exasperation.

fuss  Excitement, attention as in “Them girls was sure fussin’ over that weddin’ gown.”

get after, go after, went after  Engage or attack, usually with enthusiasm as in “She got after that rat with a broom handle.”

get the best of  Overcome, out last, out do, out smart.

gave out  Quit or fail as in “Grampa’s truck gave out on the way to town.”

give out  Tired, weary, exhausted.  “He was give out when he come in from the mine.”

go to  Intend to, purpose to, as in “I didn’t go to knock him down when I slapped him.”

going on  Happening as in “What’s goin’ on here?”

goings on  Activities, events

going to town or go to town  Vigorous activity as in “He was really goin’ to town with that grindin’ wheel.”

gracious sakes a livin’! or good gracious! or goodness gracious sakes alive! Statement of surprise or exasperation.

have a mind to  Almost persuaded, considering, contemplating as in “When that dog killed my chicken I had a mind to shoot him.”  The term seems to suggest that the speaker is in the process of “making up his or her mind.”

hell fer [for] stout  Strong, well built, durable, robust.

hit a lick  In this phrase lick means a sharp blow and the phrase itself refers to exertion.  The phrase can be used to describe extraordinary exertion as in “He hit that nail a lick that drove it clean through the shingle.”  It can also be used sarcastically or derisively as in “He ain’t hit a lick all morning,” meaning he has not exerted himself in the least.  In this case, “lick” may be interpreted as a blow but it may also be interpreted as a small quantity (see “lick”) and the derisive statement might be “He ain’t done a lick of work all morning.”

hoot  Small, least, whit as in “I don’t give a hoot fer that new churn.”  Defined in Websters’ as a derisive sound and an exclamation of objection, irritation or impatience.

hootin’ and hollerin’  Boisterous, loud, excited.  See “carryin’ on.”

I mean to tell you, or I’m here to tell you  Phrase used to emphasize, affirm and confirm; somewhat of an oath.  Likely used when the credibility of a fact or statement might be in doubt and often used in conjunction with exclamations such as “Do tell!” or “You don’t mean it!”

if it had been a snake it would have bit you  Used in a somewhat sarcastic but usually lighthearted way to describe the tendency to overlook the obvious.

I’ll be  Surprised, exasperated, frustrated.  Minced oath. Shortened version of the profanity, “I’ll be damned!” Might be used in place of or with “beats all”

in a sorry state or isn’t [ain’t] fit for nothin’  In bad condition, deplorable.  See also “badly stayed with.”

in no uncertain terms  Without a doubt, without question, explicitly, clearly.

it ain’t done it!  Exclamation rejecting a claim as false.  Similar to “That’s false!” “That’s not true!”

jiggered  A mild oath (minced oath), e.g., “I’ll be jiggered.”

know better or know better than  Mild reprimand or reminder most often associated with a breach of common protocol, improper or bad manners, moral turpitude.

lank in the craw  Skinny, hungry.

lay by  Harvest crops.

leanin’ towards aunt Nancy’s  Not vertical, not plumb.

lick  Usage.  A measure of a small or inferior quantity or perhaps quality as in “lick of sense” (very little sense, stupid) “lick and a promise” (scant attention to).

like  Almost or nearly as in “That snake like to have bit him.”  May also mean “lack” as in “That bucket didn’t like much of bein’ full,” where this could be stated as “That bucket lacked little of being full.”  Also note that the meaning of “almost” applies here as well in that the statement could simply be made as “That bucket was almost full.”

Lord have mercy or Lord of mercy or Why law  Statements made in recognition of the urgency or gravity of a particular development or situation.

make haste  Hurry.  A term from the King James Version of the Bible and still used in parts of the south.

mighty  Adverb, expletive for certainly, undoubtedly, very as in “You’re mighty right!” i.e., You are certainly right, or no doubt about it. “That baby was mighty pale,” i.e., “That baby was very pale.”

much of  A superlative.  An adjective phrase that reflects the essential quality of the noun described, as in “He was much of a man,” i.e., he had all of the qualities of a man.  “He ain’t much of a farmer,” i.e., he had few of the qualities of a farmer.

much to  An adjective phrase that reflects the essential quality of the noun described, as in “There wasn’t much to that funeral,” i.e., the funeral lacked some of the essential qualities expected of a good funeral.

nothing left of  An exaggeration to mean exhausted, depleted, defeated.  Often a double negative as in “There [or They] wasn’t nothin’ left of him when he died.”  This phrase may also be used with a phrase like “skin and bones” and the pervious statement could be made, “There wasn’t nothin’ left of him but skin and bones when he died.”

out look her mother  Said of a young girl dressing or behaving in such a way as to get a boy’s attention.  Seems to suggest precocious and perhaps unseemly and inappropriate dress and or behavior.

own  (1) Accept responsibility for or avow or affirm, as in, “She owned her boy didn’t have nothin’ to do with them chickens that went missin’. (2) Mispronunciation of the pronoun “on,” as in he lived in a cabin right own [on] top of that bluff.

pick at  Annoy, disturb.

pitch a fit  Have a tantrum, react vigorously or violently.

pillir (pillar)  Pronunciation.  The item used to support the head when sleeping, i.e., pillow.

plumb  (1) Completely, thoroughly, as in “He was plumb tuckered out,” i.e., “He was completely exhausted.”  Or “He was covered with poison ivy, from his head plumb to his toes.” (2) Vertical, straight.

poor  Undernourished, sickly, weak as in the humorous admonition to a worker reluctant to do a job because of some perceived inconvenience, offense or injury, “Don’t worry about how poor the mule is, just load the wagon.”

poor excuse  Unreasonable, inadequate, false as in “That’s a poor excuse for a mule.”

postes Plural of post.

pretty or play pretty  Toys for infants or toddlers.

put on, off or out  A phrase used as a request or command to start or stop, alight or extinguish, as in “Put on the light.”  See also “cut on, off or out.”

puttin’ on airs  Exhibitionism  See also “showin’ out.”

run down  (1) In bad condition, decrepit, derelict. (2) Disparage, criticize, gossip about.

run into the ground  Over worked, over used, misused, abused, exhausted.  Probably most appropriate when referring to a vehicle or conveyance but may be used to describe just about any tool or resource.

satisfied  Believe, convinced, sure, certain as in “From the looks of them clouds I’m satisfied it’s gonna rain.”

serve the Lord  Duty, job, occupation as in “That ol’ boy with with the banjo has some more way of servin’ the Lord.”

set to  (1) Start, begin a vigorous activity (2) Fight, confrontation, as in “They was a set to at the ball game between our boys and them boys from Winston County.”

settin’ the woods on fire  In a hurry, working or playing hard and fast.  (Also note Hank Williams’ song of the same title.)

should’a  Contraction of should have.

showing out  Exhibitionism.  See also “puttin’ on airs.”

Shut my mouth! or Shut up my mouth! or Do tell!  Exclamation of surprise, often in response to some startling piece of gossip.

shut of or be shut of or get shut of  Rid of, dispose of.

sight  Remarkable showy, as in “Ain’t she a sight in that feather hat!”

sight for sore eyes  Expression of welcome suggesting that it is a relief and a pleasure to see the object or person in question, as in “After a week on the river that milk jug was a sight for sore eyes.”

skatin’ on thin ice  Taking risks, daring, provocative.

skin and bones  Very skinny or undernourished as in “After that spell in the army he was just skin and bones.”

smack dab  Precisely, as in “He throwed that knife smack dab in the middle of the fish pond.”

smidgen  Small amount, word of Scottish origin.

some more  Unusual, extraordinary, as in “That was some more outfit she was a wearin’.”

something or something else  Remarkable, showy, as in “Ain’t he something in that new suit,” or “The new pews at the Providence Church are somethin’ else.”

something awful  Wild, terrible, crazy, mad, extreme as in “When that root broke it slapped me in the shin and it hurt somethin’ awful.”

sorry, sorry state.  Inadequate, insufficient, poor quality or condition as in “That was a sorry bunch of greens,” or “That fence is in a sorry state.”

spell  Period of time.

spread thin or spread pretty thin  Barely adequate. Suggests inadequate resources and associated impending risks.

stob  (1) Verb form: Place or insert as in “Stob that post in the ground.” (2) Noun form: sharp stick or post.

stove up or crippled up  Incapacitated.

stuck in his or her craw  Upset, offended, insulted by or annoyed with some event, circumstance, slight or other perceived or actual insult or manner of disrespect.

take after  Resemble, as in “That young’n sure takes after her mother.”

take off  Begin with enthusiasm.

take (taken, took) a notion to  Decided.

taken a fancy to or taken a liking to  Interest, as in “He’s taken a fancy to the Elmore girl.”

take to (also taken to, took to)  Engage, begin, start or commence as in “He’s taken to walkin’ with a cane since he twisted his ankle,” and “He took to drinkn’ after his wife died.”

talkin’ to  Direct and explicit statement of conditions, facts, rules and regulations and expected behavior. Reprimand, scold, lecture, often to do with a child’s misbehavior or immature, inconsiderate behavior, as in “That young’n could do with a talkin’ to.”

tarnation  Often used as a mild oath (minced oath) or expression of exasperation as in “What in tarnation did you do that fer?”  This word is said to be a form of “damnation” but it seems to me it has origins in the word “creation.” Thus a statement parallel to the one used in the example would be “What in creation did you do that fer?”  In this usage, related to such sayings as “What in the world?” or “What in the hell?”

tear into  Engage with vigor as in “He tore into that chicken dinner like it was his last meal.”

tear it  Surprising, frustrating, annoying, discouraging, beyond remedy.  Similar to “the last straw,” as in “Well that about tears it!” to mean “This is a very frustrating or surprising turn of events and it portends an end to the activity or effort we have been pursuing.”

tear up  Engage with vigor and enthusiasm even to the point of ruin as in “He tore up the race track with that V-8 truck.”

tear up old Ned (or another common name, e.g., Jack) Sensational, extraordinary activity even to the point of over reaction or even madness as in “He took a chainsaw to that locked door and tore up old Ned.”

testes  Plural of test.

that gentleman  An address of mock respect but usually used in a lighthearted way, as in “That gentleman won’t pester those hens anymore” when referring to a snake, not a gentleman, just chopped in two with a hoe.

them vs. those  Pronoun usage.  The pronoun “them” is often used in place of “those”, as in “Ever one of them chickens is dead.”  Note also there can be disagreement between verb and noun when the unusual pronoun usage is employed, as in “Them was the finest canned peaches I ever seen.”

they vs. there  Pronoun usage.  The pronoun “they” is often used in place of “there,” as in “They was six of those (or them) chickens when I counted last Thursday.”

time or two  A rather nebulous indication of frequency that spans occurrences from twice to several.  Often preceded with “a” as in “He was late with the mail a time or two.”

tolerable  Acceptable, good enough, not to the degree desired but sufficient.  My mother, Willodine Randolph née Webb, told me that Sallie Randolph, my great grandmother, would often respond to the question of “How are you doing?” with “Only just tolerable.”

too many irons in the fire  Reference to the need to heat flat irons on the stove or possibly at a fireplace in order to have them hot enough to iron clothes.  If there were too many in the fire it would be difficult to keep up the pace of ironing and difficult to keep the irons at the correct temperature.  Overextended or over reached.  Implies poor planning.  Could be used interchangeably with “bit off more than he or she can chew.”

too wet to plow  In the extreme I have heard this phrase used to express the sentiment of beyond redemption or past the point of no return.  In this case it is similar to such phrases as “it was Katy barred the door,” “the cat was out of the bag,” or possibly, “the jig was up.”  In a less extreme interpretation the sentiment would be that an opportunity was missed.

torment  Annoy, irritate, aggravate as in “Quit tomentin’ your sister!”

torn or tore up  Distressed, saddened, bereaved as in “Jody sure is tore up over that mule a dyin’.”

tuckered  Tired, exhausted.

went a missin’, or went missin’  Disappeared, vanished.  Also “go missin’” and “gone missin’.”

which end was up  Undecided, confused, bewildered, shocked.  See also, “comin’ or goin’.”

will be to  This seems to be a future perfect infinitive and it allows for an inverted sentence construction where an object becomes the subject and is emphasized in the process as in “That job [subject] will be to do over when your daddy sees it.” As opposed to “You (or someone) [subject] will have to redo that job [object] when your daddy sees it.”

worn out or wore out  Exhausted, depleted, ruined.

would’a  Contraction of would have.

Yes siree Bob!  Emphatically yes.

you all (y’all)  Plural of the pronoun you.  In true Southern usage “you all” always refers to more than one so reference to an individual as you all is incorrect.

yonder  Beyond, as in “off or out yonder,” or “Yonder goes uncle Henry with his new wagon.”

young’n  Young one, i.e., child.

Thank you for this wonderful birthday present. Now I can save the planet.